Let's Call The Whole Thing Off

My Australian coffee menu knowledge got another addition over Christmas - muguccino. Cappuccino in a mug. As opposed to a cappuccino in a glass or cappuccino in a petri dish or some other unsuitable receptacle. Rather than just asking for a large cappuccino, you must choose between a cappuccino (small) or a muguccino (large). Madness. (I feel like I could let it go if a cappuccino was in fact a cuppuccino - there would be some sense to that). I fear I caused another coffee house scene, especially after Romy went on to order a muguccino and enjoy it in front of me while I petulantly sipped at my inadequately sized cappuccino, having refused on principle to order a muguccino. No point in encouraging them after all.

I did not take photos of coffee or hills hoists

 
Many more eyebrows were raised over Christmas when I was with the Packards and exposed to a whole host of new words. Some perfectly acceptable while others were closer to the muguccino incident and not just from my side - the Aussies were not happy either. Romy, my main slanguage sparring partner certainly did not always find the inconsistencies between UK and Australian English interesting or amusing. They slightly infuriated her and my often incredulous reactions to discovering these new terms probably did not help. For instance, a rotary washing line is called a hills hoist. Not just a washing line. Hmm. It is hard for me to accept that she would call it anything other than a washing line. But, for her, why would it not be a hills hoist? We end up staring at each other in disbelief and frustration. She says thongs, I say flip flops; she says 8.15, I say quarter past eight. Let's call the whole thing off, eh?

It is not like we are ever going to give up and start saying things the other way. But perhaps Romy's attitude comes from a 'When in Rome...' type notion? Although that would probably be giving her a lot of credit since we had these arguments long before I came to Australia. The  classic extends back to Hanoi and possibly even the first week we met; I say "duvet", she says "doona." . Then the Americans tried to chip in with "comforter" but they were told to pipe down. When you share a bedroom with someone this word comes up so many times it becomes exhausting so it is an argument we largely try to avoid. 
 
 There was a temporary true called over the pepper v capsicum battle. "But then what do you call chilli peppers?" asked Romy. "Chillis." "Oh." But then when we actually decided to roast the damn things (very yummy, stuffed with feta, chilli and basil) and it flared up again with Romy 'correcting' me with "capsicums" every time I dared to refer to the "peppers." But it would be unfair to say it was all her; many a times she will use a word that despite knowing exactly what she means I will pretend to be confused so she has to explain it, allowing me to say "Oh, you mean ..." 


However, there were many things I was genuinely clueless about and it went beyond words alone. Often I felt like a small child in a zoo wandering around Guerilla Bay having to ask a series of questions to get a basic understanding. What was making that noise? And what is that? Oh, really? So what does it do? I spent half of this time amazed, half of it terrified. Some of the creatures and plants I had never heard of before while others I had a completely misguided idea of what they actually were.  (Did everyone else know that a kookaburra was a bird? Huh.)  

The ever present wildlife

Escaping The Great Outdoors is not always a relief as even the supermarket is a place of confusion. If you want meat or cheese from the deli counter they expect you to know the grams/kilos  (I still live in Imperial Land when it comes to this). If you want cash back you ask for "cash out". If you want to top up your phone you have to ask for a "recharge." If you want to buy alcohol, there is not an aisle for it, but instead you must go to the nearby "bottle shop." On the upside the chocolate aisle is stacked with a familiar tasting Cadburys but even here there are some discrepancies - sure there is Freddo but chilling out beside him is his Australia cousin Caramello Koala.  


But it is easy to come around - the beaches are beautiful and the BBQs are tasty. Koalas are the cutest creatures ever and kangaroos are not too bad either (especially when they are not dead on the side of the road). The people are friendly and easy going, the weather is pretty damn nice and holding schooners does not flare up my RSI as quickly as holding pints does. Plus I have stopped constantly pondering the grammatical intricacies of being asked "how you going?" (Any thoughts on this? The Aussie "how are you?" that fails to be a "hows it going?" or a "how are you doing?" If Friends was set Down Under this would have been Joey's pick up line). From my perspective it is good to note down all these differences now because something tells me that in another couple of months I will be roasting capsicums and hitting the bottle shop up for some goon like I have been doing it my whole life, blissfully unaware that these words used to melt my brain. 


I do however ask that if I ever cosy up in a doona with a muguccino that someone shoot me.